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Had to scrape frost off the windscreen of the car this morning. Not happy.

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Drove to Terrigal where I worked on my laptop from a little cafe overlooking the bay. Brilliant sunshine and bright blue skies, but chilly. Nearly choked on my coffee when a stingray the size of a family saloon car roof glided by in the water below the coffee shop deck.

In Summer I swim and snorkel in the little bay. In future I’ll be letting the kids go in first to test the waters.

Ranga PM

Australia now has a female Prime Minister.

Refreshingly down-to-earth, she seems a roll-up-the-sleeves type. I have no problem being governed by a woman. As my wife tells me, “You are at home anyway.”

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However, I do have one slight concern. Julia Gillard is a ranga. For those not familiar with the term it means she’s a redhead and it is derived from orang utan.

Do we really want to encourage ranga’s by letting one of them be Prime Minister?

English Weather

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It’s been raining pretty solidly for about a week now. And it’s been cold too. 

The low grey skies, bone-chilling wind and constant showers make me thankful that I left England. We have to put up with weather like this for about three months. And even then, there are plenty of glorious days thrown in the mix. Back in Blighty it seemed like it rained more often than it didn’t.

Here, the good weather encourages you go out and be active. In the UK it seemed to encourage the opposite. For me and my family, coming here was unquestionably the right decision.

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Shoppers, not convicts

Meandering around a shopping centre over the weekend, looking for a birthday present for my wife, I unhappily found myself in a department store.

I say unhappily because unless I’ve been bitten by a death adder and they’re selling discount snake venom, I’ve vowed to boycot these stores.

It’s because of their presumption that I am a thief.

Now, admittedly, I do have a certain shifty look about me. However, it’s not just me they presume to be light fingered. It’s everyone.

Evidence? Well, most large stores here have a uniformed member of staff standing at the exit checking the bags of those leaving. Seriously, it’s true.

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Australian’s, being compliant and law-abiding (don’t believe all that swaggering disrespect for authority nonsense) meekly line up to offer their bags for inspection!

With a friendly smile, the staff have a quick rummage and then send customers on their way.

I can only imagine that Australian retail bosses believe the hapless shoppers who effectively pay their over-inflated salaries are kleptomaniacs with an insatiable desire to steal cheap Chinese-made crap.

And stupid too.

After all, if I had an insatiable desire to pinch a cut-price set of kitchen knives I’d hardly think,  “I know, I’ll stuff ‘em in my bag. Nobody would ever think of looking there.”  I’d stuff them in my underpants, safe in the knowledge that you couldn’t slice through butter with a cut-price kitchen knife.

Now, I’ve shopped in places as diverse as Bognor and Borneo. I don’t recall ever being asked to show what was in a bag I was carrying.  Until I got here.

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In other nations they seem to manage without treating customers like crooks.

Which leads me to an inevtiable conclusion. Either Australia is truly a nation of thieving bastards, the natural spawn of convict ancestors. Or, the retail bosses think they are. Which is it?

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Cafe Culture

Back in my student days there was an obsession with the TV soap Neighbours.

Come lunchtime, grainy old TV’s across the nation twitched into life and students temporarily ceased their lifestyle of  sex, drugs and Commie agitation, as imagined by the tabloids, to bask in the reflected sunshine of life Down Under.

I remember thinking one of the most ludicrous things about the show was the way everyone seemed  to virtually live in the local coffee shop. Nobody has time for that, I thought. And why would you hang around all day in a place you bought your coffee?

Then I came to live here. And now I understand. Right now, I’m sitting in my local coffee shop, writing this. At the table next to me is the local solicitor. In a few minutes the doctor round the corner will pop in for his daily fix.

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One of my neighbours has just left, the girl who owns the shop babysat my own kids and one of my closest Aussie mates just stopped by to say hello.

If I wanted too I could check out that niggling shoulder injury I’ve got, sue the doctor for making the wrong diagnosis, arrange dinner this weekend, book a baby-sitter (my boys might be a bit nonplussed given they’re teens now) and all while enjoying  exceptionally good coffee in the sunshine within sight of the ocean.

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I’m not advocating you research your new life in Australia by watching Neighbours, but I can’t help being struck by the parallels.

Child’s Play

If there were such a thing as reincarnation I’d want to come back as an Aussie kid.

Seriously, outside of the big cities, they live a life Pommy parents can only dream of for their kids.

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He was right. Barefoot, they’d pad down to the beach in blazing sunshine for a day with their mates. Or they’d grab a fishing rod and stake out the lagoon. Alternatively, they’d build a camp in the bush at the end of our road, go bike riding on glorious tracks fringing a pretty lake, sleep under the stars in the garden and generally just do what kids do. And all this without the insiduous and pervasive fear I remember every time I let the boys out of my sight in the UK.

I’m not saying we’ve got fewer human predators here, though my gut feeling is that there are fewer horrific stories of that nature in the newspapers.

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Redneck Englishmen

Comedian Robin Williams has caused a stir here thanks to an appearance on Letterman where he called Australian’s “Redneck Englishmen.”

Kevin Rudd, lately trying to reinvent himself as a fair dinkum Aussie bloke (as opposed to the pointy-headed geek that he really is), fired back on radio with a jibe about Alabama’s rednecks.

I’ve been to America’s Deep South a few times. I don’t reckon you could put a chewing-tobacco leaf between their rednecks and ours. They all appear to be from the same knuckle-dragging stock. Maybe Williams’ has a point? After all, Australia and the US were founded on British stock.

 Look hard enough and yes, you’ll find closed-minded, mouth-breathing, drooling, redneck bigots here. And in the US too. I frequently met them in the UK. I was related to some if I’m honest!

Clearly, a redneck gene runs rampant through the colonies and it’s the fault of the Poms. It started with us.

I found Robin William’s comments funny. I’m sure nobody really took them seriously. Except Kevin Rudd perhaps.

Full Up?

News today is that Australia’s population has topped 22 million.

In the year to September 2009 nearly 300,000 new migrants came to Australia.

That’s enraged some commentators who believe we’re heading for an environmental catastrophe. They’re calling for a halting or halving of the migration program. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd believes in what he calls a ‘Big Australia’ with a expanding population. He optimistically believes the country will continue to meet the challenges of a burgeoning population.

Me? I haven’t a clue. But I do know this. Australia is much smaller than everyone thinks. I don’t mean geographically. I mean in terms of degrees of separation. There are said to be six degrees of separation between everyone on the planet. I know someone who knows someone ……..and so it goes until we reach Kevin Rudd, Barrack Obama or anyone else on the planet.

In Australia I reckon it’s three degrees of separation. You can’t go anywhere without bumping into someone you know, or someone who knows someone you know. Sit down for a coffee in a little outback town, get chatting to a local and I guarantee within minutes you’ll discover you’ve got a mutual friend. In Tasmania you’ll discover you’re related and probably not in a good or legal way.

You can be bushwalking a track in a remote corner of this wide brown land, scale a peak and find that annoying git of a neighbour with the perfect kids, shiny car and trimmed lawns has got there before you.  Even worse, it could be your boss.

This degree of separation thing must be some function of Australia’s small population concentrated into a limited number of cities and towns.

If doubling Australia’s population means I never have to run into anyone I know when I’m on holiday then I’m all for it.  The environment will just have to cope. Sorry, but you don’t know how annoying my neighbour is.

It Never Rains But………

Massive storms in WA have ended a dry spell in typically spectacular Australian fashion.

Hail damaged cars over there look like they’ve been bombarded by artillery. I never saw golf-ball-sized hail stones back in Blighty, but as a new Pommy migrant here I soon did. When it rains, hails or blows over here it does it with knobs on. There’s none of that half-hearted wussy English drizzle. We get stair rods that leave red welts on your skin. 

 Personally, I love the wild weather. I’m not as keen as one British storm chaser I read about the other day though.

He’s so enraptured by the Northern Territory’s extreme weather he’s  migrating with his family just to study it.

Living Life

Giving my son a lift to school the other day I was struck by just how many cars had a surf board or kayak strapped to the roof or bikes on a rack.

I seemed like every third car had some kind of boys (or girls) toy attached.

Australian’s might work hard, and surveys indicate they’re among the hardest workers in the Western world, but they really know how to enjoy themselves and live life too.

The philosophy is that if you’re forced to work a 12 hour day to pay off an insane mortgage, well, you might as well throw in a little surfing or a  bush bashing bike ride at lunch time.

Hit the beach at lunch time or as soon as the tradies start knocking off – about 2.30pm it seems to me – and you’ll see plenty of people catching waves.

Inspired, I finished work at 3pm and went for a kayak at Terrigal Haven myself today.  The wind had got up a little and there was a bit of swell, but the water was warm and gin clear. I paddled around for a few hours, dodging a boat load of tradies, still in work clothes, heading out to sea in a little tinny for some fishing. There was a guy catching waves in an outrigger canoe, some snorkellers, learner divers and a few fishermen around too. It sure beat working for a living.